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What. A. Year.

Updated: Dec 5, 2020

I am so freaking grateful for this year. That might sound crazy to some, but I have never in my life felt so in tune with myself. I felt a big urge to write about all of the lessons I have been delving into lately – intuition being the biggest.. but also acceptance, boundaries, not taking life so seriously, respecting that every soul is on their own path, working through internal triggers, manifesting, impermanence, the art of listening to listen, and

**breathe in** ahhhh – What. A. Year.

When I started writing this I was in a really good place. ‘Good’ meaning, I was feeling happy/content/satisfied with life at that moment. I’m still in a good place now, but it’s a lot harder. The feelings I would normally associate with “good” aren’t around - I’m feeling emotions more like anxiety/stress/sadness. Some big emotional shifts are taking place right now. I’m purging a lot of shit, yet even though it is hard AF, it still feels SO GOOD to notice what I’m going through. My self-awareness is at an all-time high and I wanted to share this journey - mostly as a form of self-expression, but if you feel connected to any of the areas I’ve mentioned above, I’ll go into each one in a little more detail. I’ll start with the most prevalent - intuition.

Intuition is a super power we each hold inside ourselves, and for me, each day is spent learning how to use it. I feel so connected to my intuition at the moment. It’s an unbelievably empowering feeling to feel confident in your decisions. I’ve always been aware of my ‘gut instincts’ but it wasn’t until I found Peta Kelly on Instagram/spotify, read her book ‘Earth is Hiring’, and joined her offering, ‘The Field’, where I heard her speak sooo passionately about personal liberation and living in your alignment, or ‘tap’, as PK puts it. Everything just flows when I am living from my centre. Intuition is also knowing if something is right for me or not, no matter what everyone else is saying. It is so easy to overlook what my body is telling me - what my soul is telling me - but if I take the time to listen, everything I will ever need, is and will be clear.

Acceptance comes in two forms. Acceptance of myself, and acceptance of other people not accepting me. The former is easier than the latter. Acceptance of thyself. This is a BIG one if I’m going to live in my full alignment. Acceptance of my physical self, but also my mental self. Physically, my self-acceptance is doing well. My relationship with food has completely changed since I’ve stopped trying to change what my body looks like. Now, I eat when I’m hungry and what my body feels like - no restrictions. To my surprise, I eat less chocolate now. Acceptance of my mental self has been a work in progress. Mental acceptance, for me, looks like accepting the exact emotion I am feeling and moving through it openly. Weather that is through journaling, meditation/affirmations or speaking it out loud with someone. Giving myself the space and permission to truly feel my emotions started in NZ and hopefully will continue forever.

Acceptance of others not accepting me. This is a tough one. Acceptance of myself is in my control, whereas acceptance from others is completely outside of it, yet I still try to control it.. Why?! Is it a basic need? No. Is it something I was taught? Probably. Has social media fed me this preconception that to be successful I need to be liked? Definitely. As I’ve learnt over the past 11 months, not being ‘liked’ is almost an essential part of living in your alignment. When I am living from my centre, rather than from the ideals others project onto me, it doesn’t always go down well. But, I know the right people will stay in my life, especially when I am true to myself in the process.

“If you’re offended by my boundaries, then you’re probably one of the reasons I need them”

Boundaries are essential if I want to live in this alignment. I’m talking boundaries for myself, boundaries with family and friends, boundaries with work (!!) and boundaries within my relationship. I guess it could sound like a bunch of rules, but it is so much simpler than that, when I let my intuition guide me. I’m great at setting boundaries (self care), but still learning not to feel guilty for asserting them (self love). I scrolled past a quote a few months ago that I thought was perfect – “If you’re offended by my boundaries, then you’re probably one of the reasons I need them”. I laughed when I read it because of its truth, but of course it goes both ways. I respect your boundaries and you respect mine, simple. Well, simple if they are discussed openly, honestly and lovingly, as I have learnt.

Peta Kelly also taught me to stop taking life so seriously, and acknowledging each soul is on their own journey. Less judgement and more fun, basically. I totally could not understand how people couldn’t see the world how I saw it, but as PK so openly and honestly puts it; If I were them, grew up how they did and went through their life just as they did, I would say/do/feel the exact same. Who am I to tell another soul what they are here to learn, experience or feel?! What a wakeup call. While I can’t control what anyone else is here to be or do in this lifetime, I can control mine – cue intuition, boundaries and acceptance.

It’s all about perspective and interpretations isn’t it? Every living soul has their own lived experiences that gets them here. I remember the photo of the number 3 on the ground, with one person standing on one side and another person standing on the other. We are all looking at the same thing but get a completely different answer or perspective. We are all ‘right’ in this instance and we can’t say the others are wrong because it is true for them as well. I think I saw that picture back in high school, I understood it’s meaning but I didn’t truly GET IT until this year. To be completely honest, it’s still a work in progress and I need constant reminding – thanks Lucas, you perspective King.

Internal triggers came up for me when I went to a sound healing night a couple of months ago. The lady who facilitated the night told me at the end of the healing that I need to work with my shadow and internal triggers. I’d never heard of the term shadow before, so I did some research and found out it’s about noticing what triggers you and then turning it back inwards to find out why. It’s all internal. Example: If someone is rude to me, and I get defensive and rude back, why? Is it because I feel guilty for being rude to someone else previously and haven’t fully forgiven myself, so therefore project this guilt back on to the person being rude to me? Probably yes. Woah. Big realisations for me. EVERYTHING is internal.

Manifesting is fun and it works. I’ve been doing a lot of manifesting this year, and now that we have come to the end of it, it’s so nice to reflect and see just how much has already come true. Whether you believe in the universe, your higher self, some sort of power greater than us or nothing at all, try it. Write down your goals, talk about them, envision them, step them out, day dream about them, start them. Manifesting can be more than physical things - it can be money related, emotion related, people related, health related, travel related. You name it, you can manifest it. The key is to believe it, see it, know it. Scream it out loud if you need to. Oh, and remember it’s always okay to change your mind.

The law of Impermanence is not a new topic for me. I’ve always felt it and first learnt about it a long time ago. In Yoga it’s called Aparigraha or ‘non-attachment’. Nothing is permanent, emotions, people, things, nothing. This year is the first year I’ve really noticed when I am feeling attached to something, and work to let it go. Emotions being the main one. Noticing them, feeling them, letting them go – flow. This is that tap I was talking about earlier. It is all connected.

The art of listening – to listen. Lastly, but certainly not least. Listening to truly listen. As opposed to listening to reply, or listening while distracted. I’ve gotten really good at this one. When someone I care about is telling me what is going on for them, it’s hard not to interject mid convo with my perspective or give advice when I feel like I ‘know’ what’s best or could help. But, to give someone my full attention, with no intent to reply or give advice, and to just listen - to listen, and hear them fully, can be an extremely healing process. For both of us. When I can listen to listen, it also creates space for me to be heard. I try to be so aware of this when I’m talking with friends and family now. It’s a constant practice, as is everything in life, but a powerful practice at that.

Wow. What. A. Year. What a release! It feels so great to write this all out. My emotions right now are more like aware/proud/thankful - I will soak this up while it lasts, haha. Congratulations if you’ve made it this far. Maybe you’ve had a similar year, maybe you feel connected to some parts of what I’ve said, maybe you think I’m crazy or maybe you were guided to open this post purely to read this: Wherever you’re at, whatever sort of year you’ve had; trust the process, enjoy the journey and tune in to your own intuition. It will tell you everything you need to know.

Love Han, xx


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