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Am I Ready to Move Home?

Today marks exactly one year since we moved to New Zealand. And, for the first time in my life, I can say this year went slowly. Tomorrow, we board our flight home. A big part of me isn’t ready to give up this lifestyle but a bigger part of me knows it’s time (for now).

Maybe all we ever needed was nothing

Coming home from big trips always seems so strange. You feel different, but at home, nothing has changed, and now you have to work out how to mould yourself back into life as it was before, even though your soul is screaming for the freedom to keep growing.

Over the past month I’ve been through a wave of emotions about moving home. I have this urge to ground myself, build a garden and teach yoga. I’ve learnt an unbelievable amount about myself, my relationships and what is truly important to me. I’m excited to bring all of this home with me, but I’m also terrified of losing it.

I have never lived so consciously. By taking life slowly and learning how to stay present, I was able to tune in to my body, my mind and my soul more deeply than ever before. I let myself feel my emotions when they came up, and moved through them as and when I needed to. I did things with intent, had meaningful conversations with strangers, absorbed my surroundings and made time to take countless deep breaths of gratitude. I was in the motions rather than just moving with them and, I guess my biggest fear, is falling back into a lifestyle so busy where I forget how to do that. BUT, I’ve made a promise to myself that there will be no “same old”.

For the first time in my life I have grown with someone, rather than away from them, and it feels so nice. Living with Lucas in a tiny space has brought us closer together and taught us a lot about our relationship as we learnt about each other’s boundaries. We were required to speak honestly about our feelings because we had nowhere else to run, and most importantly, we had to move forward quickly. There was no time (or space) to hold grudges. Moving home with this strong connection and appreciation for my relationship with Lucas has me feeling excited for what’s next. I know that whatever life throws our way, we will handle it.

I’ll be real and raw with you, if you are real and raw with me

An essential part of our relationship with each other and those around us, was honest and open conversation. Even if they were uncomfortable sometimes, it is something I now hold great value to. I’ll be real and raw with you, if you are real and raw with me. Life is too short for fake conversations and friendships. Give me deep discussions and the freedom to be exactly who I want to be (and feel comfortable doing so), any day!

That is what living small has really taught me – the importance of value. Not monetary value, but the value that something or someone has in my life. I can’t believe how many ‘things’ I will be going home to. If I can live a year with a wardrobe the size of one shelf then I think I can definitely make some changes at home. My goal this last year was to ‘live more, with less’ and I have achieved that. Continuing on with this goal when I get home will help me to remain clear about what is or is not adding value to my life.

Most importantly I need to remember to honour myself, through my environment, who I surround myself with and what I do with my time. This is a reminder that it is okay to say no. A year ago, I would say yes to everything, and fill my diary up to the point I would literally be running from place to place. The slow life is the good life, and as long as I don’t lose sight of that, I know I can make any situation work for me.

So, am I ready to move home? It’s hard to let go of a good thing, but sometimes you know when it’s the right time to open the next chapter of your life. Nothing in life is constant, which is why staying present, being grateful and taking life slowly helps you to appreciate every adventure, until it is time to move on to the next one.

See you soon Australia,

Love Han, xx


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